i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
