Where is the hickey?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it's great music for shaving your balls
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
