I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
