It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
