On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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