Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
