I think I won the penis lottery.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize