life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
