dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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