GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
