I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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