I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
