I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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