Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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