Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
