3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
