I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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