I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
