Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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