Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
