you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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