Nicole vs. Life
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
