OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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