So drunk its hurt
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I could make wine with my vomit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
