I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
