im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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