She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
