What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
