ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
