Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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