so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
