I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
