Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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