i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
