I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
