I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
