she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
