I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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