so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
