yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
