I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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