3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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