so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
