you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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