Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize