Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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