We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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