Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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