Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
