we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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