i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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