she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
