I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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