I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
