i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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