Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
