Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
