Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
