It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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