i jhust puked up my retainher.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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