i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think people are normalizing furries
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
