Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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