I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You've changed since you got that strap on
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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