I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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