I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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