she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
