u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
