you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
