First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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