Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
