dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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