we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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