I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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