The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
