okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
