I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
