i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
