I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
