Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
