mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
